PROGRAMMING OF CHILD: IT’S FUTURE EFFECTS
Programming can best be understood by following examples:
The other day, I was sitting with one of my young friends at his residence. Aryan, his son is about 4 years old. He wanted to go out with his friends for playing. But, his mother wanted him to finish the home work first. Both were adamant and not accepting each other’s version. Ultimately, my friend observed the seriousness in the eyes of his wife. He used his positional power and made his son to follow his mother. Aryan agreed with great reluctance but his mother looked happy.
Another example is from my neighbors. Tanya is their daughter. Her age is about 6 years. They bought an expensive pair of torn jeans for her. But, Tanya refused to wear it. Ultimately, the mother got furious. She scolded Tanya badly and stopped talking to her. This continued for about 6 hours. Ultimately Tanya had to follow her mother. The mother felt happy. After all, she could make Tanya to obey her.
Friends! You know all about computer programming. But just think. What can be a better computer than your own mind? Also, the programming of your mind is done in early childhood. And that programming affects your whole life. Aryan and Tanya are products of their programming. Let us explore its how and why?
THE TENDER MIND OF A CHILD:
As per Dr Eric Berne, known as father of Transactional Analysis,this programming is completed by the age when a child reaches 6 to 7 years. Whatever you do today as an adult is all programmed long back. Let us understand it all in some simple words. There are 3 distinct tracks in our brain. Each track has some special recordings. Follow this link for better understanding. Thanks to Dr Eric Berne website:
Let us see what is recorded on these tracks. On one of the tracks, there are recordings of external events experienced or perceived by a child. These are the instructions by parents viz. you can do this, you can’t do this etc. At that age, the child is too young and he can’t analyze the correctness of the instructions. As such, these instructions are imposed on the him. He accepts them without examination. The title of this track is Parent.
Examples of recordings in the Parent are:
- You will be punished if you don’t obey your parents.
- Be a winner by any means.
- This is your meal / play / study time. You should follow it strictly.
- Look both ways before you cross the road.
- You must finish your meals in 20 minutes.
- Don’t talk to police. They can harm you. etc. etc.
On another track there are recordings of internal events. These are associated with external events that a child perceives. This means that the emotions or feelings which were associated with external events are recorded on this track. In simple words, when something happened with child, what were his exact feelings, are recorded. This track of his feelings and emotions is known as Child.
Few examples of recordings in the Child are:
- When I saw my teacher’s face in anger, I felt scared.
- I was having fear when my father and mother were quarreling.
- I was afraid to speak a single word when we had few guests at home.
- When I got my birth day gifts, I was happy.
- I was angry when my friend snatched my toy.
- It gives me pleasure when my parents love me.
At an early stage, a child starts analyzing the data he possess. Think of a situation when he does not obey his mother. For example, he refuses to drink milk. As a result, he gets punishment. Finally, he validates the data: “Obey the parents. Otherwise you will be punished”. He can now see for himself that whatever was taught or felt is true or not. This track on which the data is stored after evaluation is called Adult.
HOW PROGRAMMING WORKS?
Programming plays an important role in life. Consider the case of Mr. Mathew. He is CEO in a large marketing company. He is successful in his job. Sometimes his team fails to achieve targets. He gets frustrated, when his team is not able to achieve the target. And, takes serious action against team members, without doing proper analysis. As an adult you expect him to investigate the causes of failure and improve the system based on this data. But his behavior is a result of his childhood programming. He used to get angry, when he was small and his parents did not fulfill his demands.
His tantrums used to create disturbance in family. Now he is an adult and can think. But his programming still plays a role. He gets angry feelings when targets are not met. And he creates an uproar in the Company. His Child is playing as it has the strongest recording in his brain. In every person one of the three recordings are prominent. Under any situation, the prominent recording starts playing automatically. If Mathew’s Parent recording was prominent as: ” be a winner by any means”, he could find ways to achieve targets. He could do logical analysis of failure and take corrective action only if his Adult recording was strongest. Otherwise, even at the age of 60, he will remain under the influence of recordings in Parent or Child.
With this brief knowledge about programming, let us now learn as how can we improve our life.
UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN PROGRAM:
The good news is that you can change your programming. But only if you know your current programming and are consciously willing to change it. You can adopt following steps:
- Your programming was done when you were a child. What was this programming? Try to understand this. Try to recall:
a) Sentences spoken by your parents. Did you follow their commands seriously?
b) Feelings or emotions you had when some situation took place. Were your emotions high?
c) Did you think or analyze too much as a child?
This will help you to understand your strongest recording with which you operate today.
- Another way to understand this aspect is by analyzing your behavior today. How do you react under present day situations. Do you prefer to give instructions Do you feel too much about any situation. Or do you rigorously analyze every situation? Depending upon this, either your Parent or your Child or your Adult is more active. And you will use this recording when faced with any problem in life.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
- Now, understand that:
a) If you have a habit of continuously giving orders or directions, be sure that some people would not like you. If you are working with those who feel too much, they may develop apathy from you.
b) Imagine that you are working with those who have a habit of giving commands. But you operate from your feelings. Again you may be in serious conflict with them.
- In view of this, there is a need to act in a balanced way. For this purpose, you should now make efforts to develop your Adult. Make a habit of thinking logical before taking any decision.
- Therefore, another step is to come out of your negative programming in Parent or Child. And, strengthen your Adult programming. This will help you to improve your behavior so that you can become a better human being.
- In fact, the moment you find out that a particular behavior is due to parental programming at that early age, you come out of your programming. Most people never get to understand this fact and remain a prisoner of their programming through out the life.
- Next, you should remember that as a parent, you are responsible to program your children. If you are loading them with uncalled for instructions, they may also develop an attitude of giving instructions all the time to others. Alternatively, they may always keep waiting for detailed instructions to perform even a small task. Also, if you force them to do something which they are not willing to do, they may develop negative emotions. And this may spoil their whole adult life.
PROGRAMMING FOR HAPPINESS:
- Childhood recordings are normally permanent. It cannot be erased. So, when you bring up your child, be cautious. Each of your word shall have long lasting impact in his life. Even your expressions will be recorded in his mind and will affect his rest of the life.
- The good news, however, is that you can record anything new on the same track. Therefore, understand your current programming and do an adult analysis. Take help from your closed ones.
- As soon as your Adult becomes powerful, new positive recording will take place automatically on the same track. Old recording will become weak and new will become strong.
- Make it a point to use your Adult, specially during all typical situations in life.
- Look all around you. Do people around you normally love and respect you? Do you have a positive, happy and tension free environment to live in? If your answer is NO, then try to evaluate. Which early life programming is responsible for this? There is a need to recognize this. Then record new encouraging program over the previous track.
- Think about Jessica Cox. Pl Refer:
She was lucky enough to have such a nice programming. It helped her to win even under most adverse situations. This is what we can get in life with right programming.
Understand the need of changing your Programming. Also, help children to build a positive programming. So that, they can be successful.
Be ambitious, respect others, develop positive happy relations and enjoy life.
With best wishes..
Sanjay k Mathur
Superb and very nicely articulated.👍👍 appreciate the way you simplify PAC and connected dots with day to day examples we all faces.
Do write on EQ … I am waiting
Thanx. EQ: Yes will write on it. Very important for personal growth as well as for team building.
Very well written. Whenever a situation arises even in our adult life. we should not get disturbed, analyze our PAC and proceed.